Momma's guilt..

Every mom knows how precious time with her child can be... the fun, the games, the first steps, and the list goes on...

This does not mean that we mommies can go on without a break..we all experience fatigue, we could all do with a quiet moment, and potty training may not be the best entertainment ever ..you get the picture..its not all picture perfect with laughing kids and forever fresh mommas as we see in ads and movies (though we wish...)

I love my girls and we do have a lot of fun together. However, as a working mom, who spends close to 13 hours outside the home, I have to sometimes swallow a large dose of guilt. I call this the mommy guilt and I feel that this 'Momma guilt' is something many can relate to...

I miss so much of their lives... missed my pre-schooler's learning curve in teasing and pranking ..miss the time spent listening to what happened at school and daycare..miss holding her when she is not doing well and needs 'momma'.. We know it but feel the pinch each time. I could not go for my younger daughter's very first school admission interview and had to get a regular update from my hub who had accompanied her to her 'new' school.

The guilt is there when the doctor looks at me and tells me what precautions I need to take for her all day when I know I ll only be passing the info to my babysitter. The guilt is there when my elder one needs a favor or snack but looking at tired and cranky mommy , swallows her words. The guilt is there when I leave for work while she is sniffling with the cold, looking forlornly at me. While I could take off for comparatively worse health problems, I know the next cold cough season is only a month or two away and hence I can't take off each time.The house is a mess and probably will stay a mess until my 'free time'.

I know its only a matter of time before my girls get used to it and then they will be independent but for me, will I get used to it? Will I regret it later? This definitely does not mean that I want to stay at home but somehow, I can't help feel that pinch..that guilt. Do I envy stay at home mothers? Of course not..I have been at both ends and have experienced that feel too. There are advantages, there are disadvantages.

Do I think I would be a better parent if I could stay at home? Not necessarily. Does my guilt want to make me give up all my hobbies and passions in favor of more mum-child time? Definitely not. I guess what I need is a balance- between work and home and hobby. The child grows up seeing the parents and learns from it. Independence, decision making and a variety of skill sets start early, but momma's guilt stays..

Learning to be a mom

Every parent knows that raising a child has its ups and downs. There are so many books and articles which are supposed to help you... I went through so many of them and came to the idea of the perfect mom...lets not forget the advice we get from well meaning relative and friends.

We were supposed to be patient, creative, the perfect role model, etc etc etc.. Our perfect children would learn from our perfect behavior not only with them but also with our spouses, our parents, our in laws, our family , our friends, our neighbors, our colleagues, people we meet on the road, people who slip into our parking slots, people who are having a bad day, and so on and on..

Lets get realistic..we are not perfect..perfection depends upon perspective!! We are human and our behavior, if nothing else, depends on our state of mind, our state of stress, our health and a million other things. While I am truly grateful for all the advice, please do not be offended if I didn't follow them all!!

More often than not, the whining of the child comes at the worst moment - basically the straw which breaks the camel's back. The stress explodes and we react on the child or sometimes it implodes in ourselves which has its own sets of consequences. Late nights with a crying baby or even with a baby which is wide awake is not easy. I should know.. I have had experiences with 2 girls, both of whom did not know the meaning of night or sleep. Even their day time sleep was extremely less when compared to the childcare books I had pored over...

Sitting up with my second one, I realized I had to do something before I went totally bonkers and I figured crochet was a good bet. First it was a quiet activity and second it was cheap. I put Youtube videos on silent and followed those superquick fingers with the pace of a tortoise. It took time but I got the hang of it (yay!! ) I got onto baby projects and made hats, sweaters, etc. I was in love with crochet. To me those balls of yarn are like scoops of ice cream to an ice lover!!

I have 2 pretty girls and crochet gave me the start into creativity. The sweater above that my little doll is wearing was one of my first projects (don't mind the face painting that is visible on her face!!) I wanted to make dresses and stuff for them and crochet was putting a strain on my already straining back. Then during the holidays, my aunt introduced me to her sewing machine and that was that! I had found my passion, a relatively quicker way to produce those dresses for my girls. Sewing took lesser time than crochet and seemed to produce faster results. I must admit that I have not given up on crochet though. The colorful yarns still have their pull when I see them.

The effect of my newfound passion on my daily life was almost instantaneous. I am a working mother and hence a major chunk of my daily hours goes to work. Yet, I try to make time for sewing. Obviously I don't do it everyday, I can't. However, just knowing there is material (actually a lot of it!!!) at home can rev me up. I plan and draft in my spare time. Doodle away and google away for more inspiration.

When I start stitching, I usually ensure all my essential work like lunch and dinner is sorted so that I don't get much interruption. I guess you can say my organizational and time keeping has improved quite a bit. Who can sit down with the machine in peace knowing that within 15 minutes (or less!!) someone is gonna get hungry?? My organization is purely based on priority..dirty dishes can wait! Having done the organization bit, I sit down to stitch and then nothing can budge me from my chair ..except when my lil needs the loo...or the phone rings..or..

I love my babies very much but even lovable babies have difficult times and sewing helps to keep my patience and sanity. Another change I feel is that I get so involved that small things don't bother me as much as they used to... I just 'Let It Go...(Theme music - Elsa from Frozen)' During a sewing project, the images float around as you would see in cartoons and watching my girls wear anything I stitched is a satisfaction in itself.

One of the biggest pluses in this is that my daughters have both taken an interest, not in stitching per se, but they see that there is a world outside TV and Tablet. The elder takes an interest in ideas and color combinations of what I stitch while the younger plays about with fabric and toy scissors. Creativity does get a boost and can lead to so much color in our lives!!

Kids and family definitely take a priority over my stitching but when you learn to let them join you, when you learn to have team discussions, it definitely helps the bond. My husband and kids are extremely supportive of this passion of mine (would you believe hubby still gets me more material in spite of my extensive stash!!!)  and that helps loosen the stress and brightens the atmosphere in more ways than one.